So now that summer is done with, this week is back-to-school here in Manitoba for University and Secondary schools! Now it’s time to get back into my blog rhythm too, which is likely very nice for you, the readers!
So without further adieu, I’d like to start this week off by addressing a very specific group of people, Bible College students. I can’t believe that it was six years ago that I started my 3 year journey at Central Pentecostal College, now known as Horizon College and Seminary.
As a 20-year old fresh-faced freshman, there were so many things I was being told, yet so many things I dismissed in my youthful ignorance. There are so many things I wish I had done, or done better during my college years. There were things that I saw others doing that I wished I had the discipline to do. Over the next couple of days, allow me to share with you my rage and regret as I look back and wish that I had done things differently! And PLEASE… if you are a freshman in Bible College, don’t ignore this like I did… you might look back one day when you’re 26 and wish you did things differently!
Here are a few things I was told, but never paid any attention to:
1. The best way to prepare for ministry during college is to devour God’s word. PERIOD.
If you’re just getting into Bible college mode, you might find it strange to be reading the Bible so much for class, chapel, papers, debates and such. You might just say to yourself, “don’t I have enough Bible in my life? Perhaps I should read some Donald Miller or fiction or something.” FALSE. Devour that thing. Memorize entire chapters, start each day with a quiet time. Beg God to show you His desires for your life. The Bible won’t do you much in Bible college if you just use it as a textbook!
I fell deep into this trap during my first year and basically went the whole year without letting Scripture refresh me and strengthen my relationship with God. I saw it more as a text and could analyze it front and back and talk my way into an A+ on any exam or paper. But guess who else was really good at analyzing text and talking about rules and how they applied? The Pharisees! Don’t be like them. They sucked!
Seriously. When you enter ministry, you will never have as much free time as you do now. Spend time in prayer. Become that weird guy who spends his time in the prayer lounge early every morning.
My senior pastor also went to CPC (though much longer ago than I). He likes to tell me tales of getting close with God, and being that prayer chapel guy, along with a few other faithful friends. It’s now 25 years down the road for him, and guess what? The only people who survived in ministry this long are those who took the time to get a good foundation in the Word and in prayer.
Quit caring what the “cool” homeschooled rebel kids across the caf think. If you’re there to get into ministry, then get serious NOW.
2. Keep a file of ministry ideas for after graduation
Oh how I wish I had done this. I thought my memory would hold onto those great ideas that I had in class. Or that project that I read about in one of my textbooks. Or that campus ministry brainstorming session I had with my friends. We had it all figured out, and nothing written down. What a shame! Don’t think of ministry as something far off in the distance. Start writing down your ideas now and how you would implement them. You have a blessing on your hands, you don’t know who you’re going to end up ministering to, or what they’ll be like, so you can pretend it will go perfectly!
3. There is no later, only now!
I had several opportunities through work to share my faith (and when people ask, “what are you going to school for?”, it’s the perfect opportunity to share the gospel!). I chickened out every time, because I thought I wasn’t ready. What I really didn’t know is that even when you’re supposedly “ready” you are scared out of your wits. It takes time and a few failures and successes before you can feel confident in sharing your faith. Just because there is no “rev” or “pastor” in your title, it doesn’t give you an excuse to slack off in sharing the greatest most life changy-est thing that can happen to anyone!
4. Utilize chapel and service times while you can!
Seriously! When I am getting close to holiday times, one of the things I most look forward to is getting to attend a church service without any responsibilities. Sunday can start to feel like any other work day if you let it, so use those chapel times and worship your heart out! Go to church every Sunday morning and be thankful when you get to participate in communion without having to lead worship, hand out elements or clean up afterwards. You are blessed with a few dozen Sundays before you are locked in for life with responsibilities and pressure to be a good steward of the time people are giving to hear you speak or sing every week!
5. STOP WORRYING
Student loans are stressful
Paper deadlines are stressful
Exams are stressful
Friendships are stressful
Dating is stressful
Employment is stressful
Finding the right internship is stressful
Advisory meetings are stressful
Proverbs 19:21 says “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”
If you’re at all like me, you spend a lot of that free time I was talking about earlier worrying about things that are completely out of your control. Don’t worry. God is in control! Can I get an amen on that????? Seriously, quit spending that free time worrying about things you can change, and use it to dive in deeper with the One who can change everything!!!!
Come back tomorrow and Thursday for parts 2 and 3!
So around our youth group, we have a sometimes controversial rule:
If filth comes out of your mouth, we make you do 10 pushups per filthy word.
It’s been a great rule so far. A lot of the time, we hear “why do we have to do that anyway?” Kids are looking for the reason… so….
Here are 10!
Ephesians 4:29: “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” NLT
Swearing in church is considered an act of disrespect towards God
“Profanity is the last refuge of the uncreative”- get creative with your colorful language. One semester at Bible college, we used the word “pants.” It was hilarious!
Swearing is not a productive form of problem solving
Swearing gets you in trouble
You don’t have to censor yourself around people if you use clean language all the time-
People will notice you because you are different- seriously!
You have influence with other people! Just think, would you want your little bro or sis to copy what comes out of your mouth? If you don’t have a younger sibling, what about that junior high kid at youth that looks up to you? Or you friend’s little bro or sis.
Soooo…
Those are our reasons for dishing out the pushups.
There are a few other things you can do to quit swearing too!
Ask your friends/family to point out when you swear- ask your friends you punch you really hard whenever you do (lol!)
Start a swear jar in your home and become faithful to it – bonus points if your siblings get the money… you’ll be extra motivated!
Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap yourself
Come up with your own list of reasons why swearing is stupid and read it daily
Hang around people who use clean language (it rubs off on you, really! The opposite is also true- if you hang with people who are very vulgar, you start talking like them)
Google the topic and become informed about the subject matter!
Do your pushups diligently at neXus if you’re caught!
Decide that you want to become a better person and accept responsibility for the words that come out of your mouth
Think before you speak
Decide that you only want to speak good and uplifting things about yourself and others.
Last weekend, my mom and dad came into town. I love it when family comes to visit. We get to share our lives with them for the weekend and see parts of the city that we normally drive by without thought. Since they were purging their house of some unwanted furniture, they brought in two dressers for Brett and I to use in our home. Nothing special, but they came from my grandma’s house and smell just like her place. The smell instantly takes me back to sneaking into her room as a little girl and admiring her beautiful brush and hand-held mirror from the green bedspread she had carefully laid on the bed.
I decided that, since the dressers were not aging as gracefully as one would hope, that they deserved a fresh stain and some TLC. Thinking to myself “this will be a fun day project!”, I headed to my local Home Depot for supplies.
Upon starting the project, I discovered that the perfectionist in me was turning this into MUCH more than a day project. Brushing, scraping, wiping and sanding are all separate crafts which must be perfected to make a piece worthy of a new stain.
During some sanding that I was doing yesterday, I was reminded somewhat of our jobs as ministers to students. Sometimes our kids come in looking like an old beat-up dresser. They are offensive, stinky, and have obvious cracks and nicks in their character. God, in His ultimate grace, allows us to be a part of a process where we take these kids, go below that ugly surface layer, sand them down, and help them to become beautiful pieces of art.
God, being the perfectionist that He is, does not make perfect students from a “day project.” It takes several years of brushing, scraping, wiping and sanding to shape them into better individuals.
I’m not sure about you, but with the drama that has taken over for the summer, it can be hard to see those potential gems below the surface. But God sees it. He sees every single student in our group for who He created them to be, not who they are right now. He loves them unconditionally. He could not love them more. He will not love them less.
God, help me to see below that top layer. Use me to help grind off stuff that is offensive. Wipe away all the crud. Help these kids to become who You created them to be!
So this post is a bit of a felt need, especially in our group with some summer drama developing. I hope it can be useful to everyone.
Here is what I’ve been seeing over the last 3 weeks or so:
Friends A and B disagree over something
Friend A posts a passive-aggressive “you-know-who-you-are” Facebook status that spills their emotions, but is vague about what the subject matter is. E.G.: “I wish that a certain someone knew how stupid they are being and that our friendship will be over if they don’t change!”
Friend B retaliates in the same passive-aggressive manner: “If only the world knew what I am dealing with right now, all people need to do is walk in my shoes to understand my decisions!”
An actual fight breaks out, usually in public. E.g.: Pastor Terrin is sitting at her favorite Starbucks and overhears people she knows saying words that would deserve about 150 push ups in the church.
Terrin and Lindsay do some digging and messaging on Facebook and uncover what is really happening
Terrin and Lindsay decide it’s time to intervene
A meeting takes place and we discover that it was all a miscommunication and a friendship almost ended over practically nothing.
So here is a little how-to for those of you out there that are dealing with conflict.
You see, Jesus was very strategic to help solve these problems (ones that especially seem to cause drama amongst teenage girls and those who have the emotional intelligence of a teenage girl). If we follow it to the letter and approach the situation with love, a desire to reconcile and humility, a lot of trouble can be avoided!
Let’s look at some scripture:
If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love.
(Matthew 18:15-17 MSG)
Clearly, Jesus gives us some steps if we are experiencing conflict:
If you are hurt, TELL THE PERSON. Other versions of scripture, like the NASB tell us to do this PRIVATELY. So, that means, no passive-aggressive “you-know-what-you-did” statuses on Facebook. I mean seriously. What does this accomplish? It makes you feel good to have a mysterious status that the person could possibly figure out if they read it, but might have some doubt as to whom it is about? Jesus is very clear about this, go and tell them and work it out privately! In 90% of cases, this will resolve your conflict. You two will share your emotions, cry, hug, forgive each other, and then be even closer than ever!
If, for some bizzare reason step one does not work out for you, Jesus even has a solution for that! If the whole one-on-one thing doesn’t work out, bring a friend or two into the situation (Terrin and Lindsay are trained professionals! They make great mediators, as do other youth workers here!). Have them come and help you resolve the conflict. I would say that if you have to resort to this, chances are mediation will work for you!
If mediation doesn’t work, bring it to the church. My guess is that this will probably happen once in the next ten years. Conflict is resolvable. But there are rare instances where we need to get our senior pastor and board involved. If this needs to happen, come talk to me first.
So there you have it. Jesus puts it out there, plain and simple. If I see any more passive-aggressive comments on Facebook, you’ll be getting a link to this post and likely a stern talking-to from yours truly! Have a great day!
So as a pastor, sometimes the dark side of our profession is dealing with the criticism of others. Sometimes it can be over trivial things, and sometimes it can be pointed at you in a constructive way. I had a great talk with my senior pastor this week about how to deal with criticism, and have read some great blog posts about criticism, so I thought I would try my hand at sharing some insight with you. Hopefully it works (and I don’t receive too much criticism over it!)
The way I see it, there are 3 ways you can choose to handle criticism:
You can ignore it. That person has no idea what they’re talking about. They are wrong. They have no stake in your ministry/job/life and should be ignored. Whatever beef they have with you needs to stay outside of your circle and away from your mojo! I tend to do this with people who are not interested in accomplishing the same goals as me in ministry or life. What’s that, the music is too loud? Too bad! You don’t like the color my office is painted? I’m glad you don’t have to work in there then! (I know, real mature, Pastor Terrin). If you have something to say over a matter of taste or style in my ministry or areas of responsibility, chances are I will listen carefully to your opinion and kindly put it in my “suggestion box,” i.e., trashcan. I think this is a first response of a lot of people who receive criticism. We like the way we do things. We like to think we are experts at doing them. We like to think that God has given us enough smarts and talents to accomplish our goals with 100% accuracy. Not always the case. Ignoring criticism is a huge mistake. Even the dumbest of claims can be useful in shaping how you operate!
You can internalize it. This is probably one that I struggle with the most. The slightest word from a critical person can throw off your mojo, and you find yourself majoring over minor issues that are brought up, and really have no place on your agenda. I find as a person who likes to keep people happy, I tend to internalize criticism and dredge over it for days on end before speaking up or laying it to rest. I especially struggle with this when people I trust bring up matters that I think are of very little issue. I know… I’m working on it! Thankfully I have a great boss who cares deeply about his staff and makes sure that there are no relational issues among our staff that would inhibit us from doing ministry. He encourages us to “talk things out” and then go ahead and take action, depending on the situation of course. I’ve found in my short years as a pastor, internalizing criticism is a perfect arena for bitterness to grow. So-and-so didn’t like the way I did that hymn, well, maybe I don’t like them either, and maybe they don’t deserve a recommendation from me to volunteer here! How lame does that sound… and how many times have you or I thought this? Biblically, if we have problems with our brothers and sisters, we are to approach them and make it right. Internalizing criticism can eventually turn into sin if we don’t do something about it!
You can investigate it. This is a healthy place that I am aiming to work out of. A lot of criticism that comes from people who care about you as a person and the work that you’re doing is stated with the deepest of care, and even if you think it is coming from left field, there is likely a chance that there is some validity to any claim. It’s really a “chew on the meat, spit out the bones” way of dealing with it. Investigating critical claims and trying to find an ounce (or gram or miligram or microgram) of truth within it takes a lot of guts. I am trying to learn how to be more this way every time I face criticism. It is so natural for me to have an emotional “yeah, well too bad for you” attitude and take my ball and bat to head home for the day. God, give me strength and encouragement to deal with criticism the right way!
Here’s a couple of other points I want to make about criticism:
If all you are doing is pleasing people, chances are you are NOT pleasing Jesus. Remember who we are focusing on!
Some people will never be happy with what you do, no matter how hard you try to please them- so why don’t you focus on the One person who is pleased with your offerings!
If a person who is in authority approaches you, and perhaps lacks some tact, don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Chances are this is a good opportunity to start a dialogue and even a mentoring relationship with someone who cares about your well-being, your success in your career, and the ministry you are working in! They may even have the ability to see things that you cannot see! They love you and want what’s best for you!
If you are receiving NO criticism, chances are you are not advancing forward in your ministry. Think about it this way (I stole this from Perry Noble), when a football team advances the ball down the field, who do they come up against? The defense! If you are not coming up against defensive people from time to time, are you really taking the ball in the right direction? (though if all you are facing is defense, maybe you need to re-think your offensive play…. that could be a whole other post!)
Ask God to help you use criticism to advance His Kingdom. God can use even the nastiest of criticisms to shape you and the way you go about your work.
I am no expert. I’m writing about this because I struggle with it deeply! Lord, help me MOST OF ALL!
So what about the rest of you pastors out there… how do you handle criticism? Do you face a lot of it? Does it throw you off your mojo? I’d love to hear your stories!
So I am doing well with my goal of reading 25 books in 2010. Here are some of the books that I currently am waiting to read, or have already begun reading (and some of my thoughts on the ones opened already!)
1. Sustainable Youth Ministry- I’ve got about 35 pages left to read in this one. I bought this book because of a recommendation from a blog that I like, www.morethandodgeball.com. So far a couple of things that have struck me are organization, and personal ministry. Good stuff in there!
2. Church is a Team Sport- I am about half way through this one. Since we will have some new faces around the office (YAY!!! an excuse to come in earlier than 10 am on a weekday!!!), I decided to pick this book up to see if it could offer some helpful advice on working in the team dynamic. This book has offered a lot of insight (lots of highlighting, underlining, and little pink flags to go back and reflect on!) and even statistics (did you know that 50% of evangelical churches in the US did not have a single convert last year?). Mostly, this book has shown me a lot about how to position and leverage things you are already doing as a church to reach your community and strengthen your church at its core so that you can reach more people! Great read so far!
3. Loving Our Kids On Purpose- I am about 1/3 of the way through this one. I was Skype-ing with my sister a few weeks ago and sharing with her that I feel a great disconnect with parents sometimes because I am a lowly 25 year old married girl with no kids and have no parenting advice to offer (not to mention that the 3 hours I get to spend with their kids every week is planned down to the minute and they love every second of it… not much to discipline or parent there!). So anyway, she told me that this book changed her life and views on parenting and that perhaps reading it and sharing it with some parents might be useful. So far the book is a fabulous read (I’ve even picked up some ideas for volunteer training in regards to how we treat our teenagers). I will most definitely be writing an entire book review on it when it’s finished, so I don’t want to give too much away. If you’re a parent and you read my blog, maybe you could pick it up and I could discuss it with you?
4. Culture of Honor – written by the same author as #3. I have yet to read this book, but bought it on Amazon from the suggested list to save on shipping. Has anyone out there read this one? Is it worth my time? The description on the back is even so vague that I’m not sure what it pertains to, other than a “paradigm shift”. We’ll see.
5. Doing Church As A Team – Not to be confused with #2. This book is written by Wayne Cordeiro, Pastor from Hawaii (that guy had the right idea in locations when he planted his church!). This is actually a book that I worked through in a one-week-all-class-no-sleep type of course (I believe it was called something/administration). I remember really liking some of the principles in the book but lacked time to read further, take notes, or even think about the material for any longer than required to write a paper and presentation, so I’m going to flip through it again and hopefully pick up some of those old nuggets that I left behind the first time!
6. Confessions of a Pastor (by Craig Groeschel) – I picked this up because my friend Jordan started pastoring at a church where they used this book as a sermon series. I’ve already looked at the chapter titles (I’ll let you know in the future whether I’d confess the same things too!). I’m really looking forward to getting into this one!
Those are the top 6 that I am excited to read thus far… I have about 15 more books waiting on my shelf for me. I will get to you soon, my pretties! I am actually leaving for a VERY long (26 hours each way) road trip to Atlanta, Georgia on April 30, so I will definitely be finishing these 6 books by the time I get back on May 7.
Ok, So I’ve set a goal to read 25 books this year, and boy have they been coming in the mail these days! Amazon has been quite a friend to me!
Book #1- The 5 Dysfunctions of a team by Patrick Lencioni.
I saw Lencioni at Summit in 2006. He was short, funny and talked really fast! The book was a very easy-to-read fiction book about a girl who takes over as CEO of a very promising company, but they can’t work as a team. She decides to take them away on a few retreats to work this out and eventually is successful. And how did they become successful? they identified the 5 dysfunctions, of course! We all saw it coming ha ha.
My perspective: I am now of the age where I have been on a few teams that didn’t work the best. From dry-grad planning committees to event committees, to church committees, to leading various ministries, there were many circumstances in the book that made me cringe with memories. This book isn’t going to give you much new information, but it does put it all in one place for you to open your eyes and try to address the issues at hand. I will definitely be putting this on my “must read” list for summer interns! B+
Book #2- Ten Stupid Things that Keep Churches From Growing by Geoff Surratt
This book also had me laughing and cringing at situations I’ve faced in the past as a “born in the baptismal tank” type of Christian. When I picked this book up, I thought it would be good for a few cheap laughs and pats on the back for things I was doing right, but I was proven heavily wrong. Probably 3 of the 10 things had me repenting of my ways (not necessarily because I was sold out to the stupid idea, but that I wasn’t doing the good thing to fix the supid thing!). One thing that I have been struggling to realize (and this book has helped me a lot!) is that you can’t copy a ministry and experience the same success as the original. I love the idea of conferences and resources and sometimes get carried away in my head and in vision talks, wanting to copy an idea line for line, not realizing that in semi-inner city Winnipeg is much different from white collar Chicago or downtown Atlanta or VERY white collar Orange County. I have spent many days dreaming about how awesome it will be when the day comes that I could have the opportunities that they have, but a better and wiser way to spend my time might be to use the information that the “big guns” make available to me, and decide how that will fit in to ministering here in Winnipeg. I love this book too… I feel bad for any subsequent staff or interns who will be under my watch in the days ahead… I’m going to have them reading so many books! A
Ok, so I heard a pretty good sermon online today and something was said that totally made this clicking noise in my head… I had a new way to think of things!
The sermon was on whether it’s ok to drink or not, and frankly, he had some points that I don’t think would sit well here in Winnipeg (his church is in the south!). Let me just say that I do NOT think it’s okay under any circumstances to tell a teenager it’s ok to drink. Not because I think that not drinking makes you more “christian-like” or holier than other Christians or individuals who think it’s ok to drink.
The guy who was preaching made this one point so clearly though… it was so good! He said “It’s not abstaining from alcohol that makes us righteous… Jesus does that!” I know the subject of alcohol and the church is almost unwinnable for either side, and I definitely don’t want to get into an argument about it. But the thought that some people think they are SO holy because “alcohol has never touched their lips” is brought into a new light. Am I righteous because I can abstain from the “sinful” things in life, or am I righteous because I am allowing myself to become more like Jesus?
Anyway, that’s my interesting thought for the day. Hope all of you have a great night at youth tonight!
I’m not sure what brought on today’s post, but I thought it might be fun to talk about accountability.
I really, really miss having an intern in the office with me. It’s really fun to share in the work I do, help someone learn the ropes of ministry, plan together, laugh together, and be accountable to each other. However, in the midst of winter, it’s hard to be accountable to yourself. It’s cold out, quiet around the office… you could get away with showing up in your pyjamas and watching movies all day long (not that I would EVER attempt that!). Luckily, my boss checks in with me a few times a week to make sure things are ok and running smoothly.
I have learned to greatly appreciate those moments. I think the reason I appreciate them so much is that it helps me to remember that this isn’t just any job. This isn’t a 9-5 salaried position with benefits. This is a calling. A sacred calling!
So a question I have for you other youth pastors out there… who keeps you accountable? Do you work in a team environment, or are you on your own?
